Scared

June 7, 2009

My baby is scared.

She is scared, and I can’t help.

She wakes up night after night, crying my name and wailing with sadness and fear. Joe picks her up, and he brings her to our bed. She pushes him away and snuggles up too close to me. She hugs my neck and kisses my face and clings to me all night long.

It’s tough to sleep with a little face pressed into my cheek and tiny arms clutching my neck. Fitfully, I manage.

My baby is scared, and she worries.

Every noise startles her and makes her jump.

A motorcycle driving on the street, a stack of books falling over, a door slamming, a pan lid clanging on the counter, the cat knocking a tray of wooden blocks to the floor.

She gasps, eyes wide, and asks, What happened? She doesn’t relent. What happened? What happened?

My baby is scared.

She’s unusually sensitive, unusually fragile, unusually hyper, unusually aggressive with her friends, unusually terrified of animals, strangers, bugs, strange breezes, and everything else unfamiliar.

My baby is scared, and I worry.

I worry that I’m going to be plagued by back pain for months and years to come.

I worry that I’m going to have flashbacks of the crash I still don’t remember every time I stop in traffic.

I worry that my baby’s future is going to be shaped by anxiety and fear of this big, unpredictable world.

My baby is scared.

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Katie said:

Aww Tara I am so sorry to hear this! Poor Gracie. And I am so sorry to hear you are still having back pain. =( I do not have any advice, but I will keep you and Gracie Anna in my prayers. Hugs! ~Katie

# 7 June 2009 at 11:59 pm

Heather said:

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a rough time. It can take a long time to get over a back injury. I think I took 4 months before I felt completely normal, and I kept going to my chiropractor for about 1 year because of the wreck. I know it’s hard having Gracie scared right now. Just try to keep things as normal as possible for her right now. BB seemed to do better with lots of structure and routine after he broke his leg. It took him a while before he was willing to be left alone in a room, or for the lights to be turned off in a room, but he eventually got back to his old self.

# 8 June 2009 at 11:36 am

TheAngelForever said:

So sorry that you, Grace and Joe have all of this going on. It really is hard to understand how something like a car accident can change your life. Have you thought about taking Grace to play therapy to see if she will chat about things? I think my friend works at a place that may not be too far from you. My son still talks about a car accident that we had 3 years ago. He had terrors for a while and eventually they eased, but he was older and able to express his fears more. Good luck and hugs to all of you.

# 8 June 2009 at 3:51 pm